My Twisted World
My Twisted World is the "manifesto" - as it is widely referred to (stylistically it is more akin to an autobiographical manuscript) - written and emailed by Elliot Rodger to his acquaintances, therapist, and family members prior to him committing the Isla Vista killings in 2014.
Rodger does not mention the term incel in the manifesto (although he occasionally does in his online posts), nor does he mention being a member of any self-identified incel forum, but a core theme of the work is his sexual frustration, violent envy of sexually successful men, and his perceived rejection by women.
Synopsis[edit | edit source]
My Twisted World is written along autobiographical lines, detailing Rodger's life from conception to age 22. It is divided into six parts, each chronicling a few years of Rodger's life. An epilogue details the state of mind Rodger was in prior to committing the killings. This epilogue is often exclusively referenced in discussions about the work, leading to the general mischaracterization of it as a manifesto. This is because the epilogue does make some pronouncements that pertain to Rodger's idea of a post-sex utopia that includes lurid descriptions of putting women into concentration camps. It would be more accurate to characterize such passages as being misogynistic revenge fantasies (likely composed right before he committed his killing) rather than being representative of any concrete ideology.
Age 0-5[edit | edit source]
Rodger describes the accidental nature of his birth, him being conceived as a medication his mother was taking cancelled out the effects of the pill. Going on to describe his preschool years in the English countryside and birth of his younger sister Georgia. It ends with Rodger's family boarding a plane as they move to the United States.
Age 5-9[edit | edit source]
Rodger describes his first years living in the United States. Attending kindergarten from age five to six. It is here that Rodger makes the only female friend he would ever make, a girl named Maddy Humphrey. He is able to socialize with her effortlessly. At age seven, Rodger's parents divorce, only a couple months after his future stepmother Soumaya moves in with his father. Despite this, Rodger recounts his time in elementary school and preschool in England as the happiest time of his life. At age nine, this is upset for the first time with him realizing that he is by far the shortest boy in his class. Rodger is angered by the taller boys seemingly being more respected because of their height and feels envy towards them. Rodger has his first conflicts with Soumaya, as she imposes harsh rules on the household which Rodger feels she has no right to as she is not his "true parent." At age nine, Rodger first realizes the existence of "hierarchies", noting that the so called "cool kids" at his school were highly respected and "always had a good time." Rodger vows to become like them, giving up the Pokemon card game and starting to skateboard in order to emulate them.
Age 9-13[edit | edit source]
Rodger continues to emulate the "cool kids" by adopting the persona of a "cool skateboarder", bleaching his hair blonde and picking up a skateboarder outfit. Continuing to skateboard he develops a genuine interest in it. Despite this he never manages to become genuine friends with the "cool kids" clique and comes to see them as competitors. Rodger becomes more socially isolated, struggling to fit in with any group at school, prompting Soumaya to arrange playdates with groups of other kids. Despite this Rodger manages to interact with quite the number of kids in fifth grade, finishing elementary school "happy and excited for the future."
In middle school Rodger first experiences frustration with the opposite sex. With the "cool kids" being hugely popular with girls and Rodger developing first interest (albeit non-sexually) in girls. Rodger continues to try befriend and emulate the "cool kids." Succeeding with a number of girls taking interest in him, some even offering to dance with him at the school dance. Rodger remains shy however, prompting him to seek out non-social activities, first discovering the internet at age eleven.
During a summer camp he has the first explicitly negative experience with a girl, which would "scar me for life." He accidentally bumps into an older girl there who proceeds to curse and shove him in front of his friends. Rodger finds the experience extremely humiliating, made worse when he sees said girl being amicable with one of the "cool kids" of his school.
At age 13 Rodger begins to develop a more intense interest in video games, first playing World of Warcraft. Upon seeing a pornographic video, he develops an intense interest in sex.
Age 13-17[edit | edit source]
Because, unlike his stepmother Soumaya, his biological mother puts no limit on the amount of hours he can spend online, Rodger begins excessively playing World of Warcraft. He comes to see time not spent in the game, including school, as a nuisance and becomes extremely socially isolated. In order to attract attention, Rodger begins acting "weird" in school, prompting him to become widely disliked there. Some time after this development, Soumaya gives birth to Rodger's stepbrother Jazz.
In high school, Rodger retreats wholly into World of Warcraft. Spending his entire free time playing the game and neglecting his homework. He begins to masturbate on a daily basis. Rodger's social interaction outside school shrink to his childhood best friend James coming over to play World of Warcraft. At age 15 Rodger's father releases the movie Oh my God. The film having been self-produced is a critical and commercial failure, netting only $38,244 in the box office on a budget of one million dollars, causing his father to declare bankruptcy.
At age 16, Rodger and his father are over at another family's house for dinner, seeing a number of boys and girls his age Rodger considers to be the "cool kids" he tried to emulate in elementary for so long, he has a mental breakdown. Telling the people there he wants to commit suicide, his father and stepmother as well as the other adults have to talk with him for hours for him to calm down.
At age 17 Rodger develops fantasies about acquiring vast money and power and using it to "stop everyone from having sex" as well as exacting revenge on everyone he envied and hated. Rodger no longer wants to "hide" from the world and tries to better himself, stopping playing World of Warcraft and focusing more on his studies.
Age 17-19[edit | edit source]
Rodger vows to make an active effort to attract a female partner, getting a better haircut and new clothes. He also creates a Facebook profile in order to improve his social life, reconnecting with some of his old friends through it.
At age 18 Rodger attends college, opting for only one course to "better ease in to the college life", he fails to make any acquaintances or friends there. The relationship with his stepmother drastically deteriorates to the point that she no longer allows him to visit his father's house, only allowing him over for dinner sporadically. Rodger's will to better himself falters immensely, after two of his friends he made over World of Warcraft, and originally were as much outcasts as he was, manage to gain an active social life and frequently attend parties. Causing him to delve deeper into what he dubs "his ideology", eventually concluding that sex needs to be abolished and procreation should only be done via artificial insemination.
Concluding that he will only be able to acquire an active social and sex life with vast wealth, Rodger attempts to become very rich. Initially attempting to write a bestselling fantasy novel that would be adapted in film, earning him huge royalties. He abandons the project after reading online that the average royalties are not as much as he had hoped. Being gifted the pseudo-scientific book "The Secret" by his father, Rodger attempts to use the in the book described "Law of Attraction" (positing that one can bend the universe to one's will if one believe enough in the inevitably of a certain thing) to win a lottery jackpot. After spending time with his now five year old stepbrother Jazz, he becomes envious of the boys social skills, yet still enjoys spending time with him. Explaining his torture and murder fantasies extensively to his childhood friend James, James breaks off most contact with Rodger. This comes as a major blow to him as James was, due to him still being a virgin as well and sympathetic to some of Rodger's frustration, for a long time his only confidante.
When his mother pressures him to move to Santa Barbara to attend college there, Rodger concludes that this will be the final chance he has to become a popular person and acquire a partner.
Age 19-22[edit | edit source]
Rodger fails to make friends with his initial roommates, despite them being initially amicable to him, as he is intimidated by their sexual history. He fruitlessly tries to muster the courage to attend parties, trying to bolster his confidence with alcohol but often just ending up drunk in the process. Rodger's violent fantasies amplify to the point that he fantasizes about stripping the flesh off of couples he sees in the streets. "The males deserve it for taking the females away from me, and the females deserve it for choosing those males instead of me."
Hearing many of his acquaintances acquiring girlfriends, Rodger concludes that he wants revenge, dropping out of his college classes to focus fully on planning his rampage. Despite that Rodger wants to make one final series' of efforts to enter a relationship. Rodger attempts to win a lottery jackpot again through the "Power of Your Subconscious Mind" (purported in a different book, but essentially identical to the the teachings in "The Secret" in contents and effectiveness), spending thousands of dollars in lottery tickets and even traveling over state lines to attend lotteries not available in California. Failing in that, Rodger falls into a deep depression, made worse with his friend James calling him to fully break off contact with him. Not winning any further lotteries, Rodger begins buying weapons and ammunition.
Rodger first visits PUAhate feeling affirmed in his views from the experience and views of the users there. Having already begun the planning for "The Day of Retribution" Rodger wants to make one final attempt to lose his virginity before he turns 22. Attending uninvited a house party, Rodger attempts to boost his confidence with alcohol, arriving drunk. His anger is only stoked by the couples attending the party, prompting Rodger to attempt to assault several people at the party, failing due to his drunken state. Rodger subsequently climbs onto a ledge of the house the party was hosted in, overlooking the crowd. A group of college students follows him up but proceeded to ignore him. Rodger becomes very angry over this and attempts to push several of the girls off the ledge, only to be pushed off himself, breaking his ankle. Leaving the party humiliated, Rodger attempts to return to the house in order to recover his Gucci sunglasses. In his drunken state he mistakes the house for different one, after a fight breaks out the attendees brutally beat Rodger up.
After the episode, Rodger focuses solely on the execution of his "retribution."
"The Day of Retribution"[edit | edit source]
- Rodger originally plans to commit the killings on Halloween 2013, planning to attack Halloween parties. He forgoes said plan after concluding that police presence would be too high at the time
- At the time of the attack, Rodger still wanted to live and "enjoy life", he felt however that "all other avenues have been closed shut." The killings being the only avenue he thought he could go down.
Rodger outlines his plan for "The Day of Retribution", into four parts. First the murder of his stepmother and stepbrother, then the actual "retribution" in three parts.
Murder of his stepmother and stepbrother[edit | edit source]
Rodger planned to drive to his father's house and kill both his, at the time eight year old, stepbrother Jazz and his stepmother Soumaya. Rodger planned to do so because he was envious of his stepbrother's social skills as well as "denying him of the chance to grow up to surpass me." Afterwards he wanted to steal his father's Mercedes SUV to use as a ramming tool in the final phase.
Rodger would not travel to his father's house that day, as his father was unexpectedly there that week, whom Rodger admitted he could not bring himself to kill.
First Phase[edit | edit source]
"This First Phase will represent my vengeance against all of the men who have had pleasurable sex lives while I’ve had to suffer."
Having murdered his stepmother and stepbrother, Rodger planned to lure people around Isla Vista into his house, torturing and killing them. After killing several people, Rodger planned to behead the corpses and take their heads with him in his car. To have the house for himself he realized he would have to kill his two roommates at the time first.
Rodger would end up killing both of his roommates as well as a friend of theirs they had over for visit at the time, but did not go through with luring other people there as he had planned, nor would he behead the three men he did kill. This likely happened as Rodger found the bloodstains created from the murders of his roommates too difficult to clean up, choosing to go on with the second phase instead.
Second Phase[edit | edit source]
"The Second Phase will represent my War on Women. I will punish all females for the crime of depriving me of sex. They have starved me of sex for my entire youth, and gave that pleasure to other men. In doing so, they took many years of my life away. I cannot kill every single female on earth, but I can deliver a devastating blow that will shake all of them to the core of their wicked hearts."
After the killings in his home, Rodger planned to drive to house of the "Alpha Phi" sorority, killing everyone inside and afterwards setting the building on fire. Rodger chose this sorority, as he thought it contained the most beautiful girls.
Rodger would drive to the sorority as planned, but would find the door locked. Ineffectively knocking on the door for minutes, Rodger instead opted to shoot at various people walking by, before fleeing in his car.
Final Phase[edit | edit source]
"The Final Phase of the Day of Retribution will be my ultimate showdown in the streets of Isla Vista."
After setting the sorority on fire, Rodger planned to make his way to Del Playa Street, ramming and shooting at pedestrians he were to drive by. Arriving at his destination, he planned to dump the large collection of heads he would have gathered in the first phase onto the street - prompting the bystanders to "fear me as the powerful god I am." Afterwards he'd randomly seek out house parties and attack people there. Planning to end his life once the police would inevitably catch up with him by overdosing on the medication he had been prescribed by his psychiatrist and afterwards shooting himself in the head.
In actuality, Rodger would just aimlessly drive towards Del Playa Street, ramming several people and shooting and killing several others. After crashing his car, Rodger would kill himself with a self-inflicted gunshot to the head.
In total Rodger would kill six people (three in his house, three via shooting on the streets) and injure 14 more (seven from gunshot wounds, seven from ramming them with his car).
Epilogue[edit | edit source]
The writing concludes with an overview of Rodger's "philosophy", positing that "sex is the most evil concept in existence" and that "the ultimate evil behind sexuality is the human female." Rodger envisions a world where someone like he would act as an all powerful dictator to eradicate both. Fantasizing about starving nigh all women in concentration camps to death, only keeping around a few for procreation. This being done via artificial insemination. This would be done in secrecy so that the new generation of men would never learn about the "evil of sex and love" so that there no longer would be "any imprint of it on the human psyche."
Rodger expresses the hope that "In such a pure world, the man’s mind can develop to greater heights than ever before." Rodger fails to disclose as to how he would eradicate homosexuality.
The writing closes with the following paragraph:
"All I ever wanted was to love women, and in turn to be loved by them back. Their behavior towards me has only earned my hatred, and rightfully so! I am the true victim in all of this. I am the good guy. Humanity struck at me first by condemning me to experience so much suffering. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. I didn’t start this war… I wasn’t the one who struck first… But I will finish it by striking back. I will punish everyone. And it will be beautiful. Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth."