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Oneitis, limerance, or unrequited love describes a state of consistent romantic obsession with a person who is not in a relationship with you. A oneitis is often unrequited, can last for months, years, or even decades, and can be psychologically devastating for the person suffering it, leaving them only in the realm of fantasy.

Causes[edit | edit source]

A oneitis may involve falling in love before one has even had a chance to get to know one another. Immediate attraction (love on first sight) is mostly explained by looks,[1] though individual preferences about appearance do play a role, and ultimately the link between looks and sexual success is rather weak, partly also because unattractive people end up mating with other unattractive people (see beauty).

Some argue that the most intense oneitis tends to occur when a person has few romantic opportunities, few indicators of interest from the opposite sex, and/or is socially isolated. People with higher SMV's may be more likely to be targeted by limerence.

Effects[edit | edit source]

Oneitis is psychologically unhealthy. Time spent obsessing over a oneitis can interfere with almost everything, and severely hamper personal progress. The effect of unrequited love can lead to mental health issues. A degraded mental state, combined with obsession, can also cause a person to not pay attention to legitimate interest from others, making oneitis a vicious circle.

Solutions[edit | edit source]

The best solution to oneitis is No-Contact (NC), which includes blocking the person everywhere, and having absolutely zero contact with them. It is often the most effective, but also the hardest step to take for someone suffering from oneitis.

Solutions to oneitis are complicated by the lack of understanding from those who do not suffer it. In this sense, it parallels the general lack of understanding of involountary celibates in general. One solution to oneitis is psychological repression, which is aided by filling one's life with other activities, especially those involving new people. Oneitis tends to worsen with social isolation, so it must actively be worked against. The only real solution to oneitis is to actually fall in love with a person provided that love is reciprocal.

See also[edit | edit source]

References[edit | edit source]