Love shy: Difference between revisions

Gilmartin argued that love-shyness would have the most severe effect on heterosexual males, because of gender roles. This is because heterosexual men are almost always expected to take the more assertive role in dating situations and to be the ones to initiate intimacy with potential romantic partners, whereas heterosexual women generally take the more passive role, as assertiveness on their part is far less crucial in successfully developing a romantic relationship. He claims that it may be possible for both shy women and homosexual men to become involved in intimate relationships without needing to take any initiative, simply by waiting for a more assertive man to initiate the relationship, or in the case of lesbians, a more assertive woman. According to Gilmartin, shy women are as likely or even more likely due to their love-shyness as non-shy women to date, to marry, and to have children, while this is definitely not the case for heterosexual men. Love-shy heterosexual men normally have no informal social contact with women.  They cannot date, [[marriage|marry]] or have children, and many of these men never experience any form of intimate sexual contact. He also noted that for moral reasons, none of the love-shy men sought [[prostitute]]s. Some of the love-shys were partaking in [[mail-order bride]] agencies, but the results of these efforts were not pursued in the study.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

Gilmartin proposes that "practice dating" therapy would allow the love-shy men to develop crucial [[social skills]] in a non-anxiety provoking situation and to then overcome their anxieties. This approach, he claims, would successfully cure by far most of the participants from their love-shyness. He also predicts that practice dating will help eliminate male love-shys' obsession with women of high natural beauty.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

The major therapeutic regime Gilmartin recommends after practice dating is [[Sexual surrogate|sex surrogate]] therapy. He claims, "Any truly comprehensive program calculated to guarantee a complete cure for intractable, chronic and severe love-shyness ''must'' incorporate a program facet that entails use of sexual surrogates." Sexual surrogates are therapists who will have physical intimacy up to and including sexual intercourse with their clients, and are not the same as prostitutes. A quality surrogate therapy will include an additional therapist to oversee the therapy.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>