Love shy: Difference between revisions

Love-shyness may be a stand-alone phobia (independent of other phobias), or may also be a subset of social anxiety disorder, also sometimes called social phobia.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/><ref name="Crozier, W. Ray 2001"/>  Some psychologists also hold that [[avoidant personality disorder]] can in some cases be an underlying cause of intimacy avoidance or love-shyness in certain individuals.<ref>Gale Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, chapter, Avoidant personality disorder</ref><ref>Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatments</ref> Some also refer to love-shyness as [[erotophobia]] although erotophobia is also seen by some as being a much more narrowly-defined problem than love-shyness (tied only to sex and not having the broader spectrum of love-shyness, which is seen as being more multi-dimensional).<ref>title: Effects of anonymity, gender, and erotophilia on the quality of data obtained from self-reports of socially sensitive behaviors, journal: Journal of Behavioral Medicine, year=2002, volume=25, issue=5, pages=439–467, doi=10.1023/A:1020419023766</ref> Others would define erotophobia as one type of love-shyness.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/> In some cases, another specific phobia, [[body dysmorphic disorder]] (a phobia of being seen as physically unattractive) may also be an underlying cause of love-shyness.<ref name="Phillips, K. A. 1996 p141">Author: Phillips, K. A., year: 1996, title: The broken mirror: Understanding and treating body dysmorphic disorder, page: 141, location: New York, publisher: Oxford University Press, isbn=0-19-508317-2</ref>

Gilmartin's love-shy men were poorly-adjusted, as they were unhappy with their lives and high in rates of [[anxiety disorders]], like social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder,<ref name="Phillips, K. A. 1996 p141"/> social anxiety disorder or other [[anxiety]]-related problems. He found that the love-shy men had considerably more violent fantasies, were very pessimistic and cynical about the world, were much more likely to believe that nobody cared about them, and were much more likely to have difficulties concentrating.  He also found a tendency in some of the love-shy men to stare compulsively at women with whom they were infatuated or even [[Stalking|stalk]] them, but without being able to talk to them, which sometimes got them in trouble with school authorities because of the perceived threat.  Most of the love-shy men reported experiencing frequent feelings of [[depression (mood)|depression]], [[loneliness]] and [[Social alienation|alienation]]. A small number of the men would often try to disassociate from reality through various means, including [[addiction]]s of various types or other kinds of escapist habits like excessive daydreaming or otherwise spending a lot of time in fantasy. Gilmartin noted that about 40% of the older love-shy men had seriously considered committing [[suicide]].<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

*School [[bullying]].  Love-shy boys are vulnerable to bullying from their [[peer group]], due to their shyness and inhibition.  Non-conformism to peer group norms also makes the boy a target through no fault of his own.<ref name="Brian G. Gilmartin 1987"/>

Love-shyness has not, to date, been recognized as a distinct [[mental disorder]] by the [[World Health Organization]] or [[American Psychiatric Association]]. But the argument is being made in the community of mainstream clinical psychology that intimacy issues are so unique and so core to one's humanity that love-shyness does constitute a legitimate area of clinical attention, as well as meriting further research.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>  Some of the psychological and social problems of the love-shy men could be considered [[autism|autistic]] because of the men's trouble in regards to peers, social interactions, and adjustment to change. Years later when asked in an email, Gilmartin felt that 40% of severely love-shy men would have [[Asperger syndrome]] or [[ADHD]]. Many psychologists believe that social phobia or a more general pattern of avoidant personality disorder or social anxiety disorder could also be indicated, although many also concede that these issues may coalesce specifically into a phobia of intimate relationships, thereby forming a unique or semi-unique phobia with its own parameters and idiosyncrasies. Some described Love-shyness sufferers may also be blocked from intimate relationships due to body dysmorphic disorder (a phobia that causes one to fear that one is physically unattractive).<ref name="Phillips, K. A. 1996 p141"/>

Gilmartin proposes that "practice dating" therapy would allow the love-shy men to develop crucial social skills in a non-anxiety provoking situation and to then overcome their anxieties. This approach, he claims, would successfully cure by far most of the participants from their love-shyness. He also predicts that practice dating will help eliminate male love-shys' obsession with women of high natural beauty.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

Also, Gilmartin's research which was conducted in the 1970s and early 1980s does not make allowances for the dramatic shifts in American (and Western) cultural demographics, trends and values experienced in the years and decades since the study was published (e.g. the rise and impact of the second and third waves of modern [[feminism]] on gender relations, especially the impact of modern feminism in Western countries since the 1960s and 1970s) though men are still commonly expected to be the initiator when it comes to courtship.<ref name="Elizabeth Rice Allgeier 1988"/>