Romantic idealization: Difference between revisions

That there is no such thing as a "soulmate" is evidenced by the fact that in [[arranged marriage|arranged couples]] report a marriage satisfaction just as high as other couples, and actually last longer. Such partners get used to each other over time, and presumably addicted to each other by endorphins released during [[sex]]. Romantic idealization is also no predictor of relationship satisfaction.<ref>https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781410610249-14/first-sexual-involvement-romantic-relationships-empirical-investigation-communicative-framing-romantic-beliefs-attachment-orientation-passion-turning-point-sandra-metts</ref>

== Costly signaling ==

{{main_article|[[Signaling theory]]}}

How little women are interested in relationships beyond the initial transaction of resources is evidenced by their much more quickly fading sexual interest.<ref>https://incels.wiki/w/Scientific_Blackpill#Women_rapidly_lose_interest_in_sex_once_in_a_stable_relationship_or_living_with_a_man</ref>

This [[female solipsism|solipsistic desire]] to be cared for appears to be also a main driver of [[feminism]].

== Limitations ==

=== Nice guys ===

As evidenced by the failure of [[nice guy]]s and women's literary interest in [[rape]]y romance novels,<ref>https://incels.wiki/w/Scientific_Blackpill#Women_are_drawn_more_than_men_to_nonfiction_stories_of_rape.2C_murder.2C_and_serial_killers</ref> romance alone is clearly not the ideal strategy, or it can be outright harmful, especially if the courtship efforts come across as [[cool|desperate]]. Rather, woman's mating preferences are only fully met when romance is accompanied by a demonstration of physical dominance, which women report, primarily lies merely in the threat rather than actual harm, and often seems to involve the female ''taming'' the man. (On the other hand, women do have actual [[rape]] fantasies, so it is not clear to which extent the latter is actual preference or just [[political correctness]].) An explanation for this is the [[Bodyguard hypothesis]] which suggests women desire a strong protective partners being themselves weak. Women with a fast [[life history]] disposition have a stronger desire for this rather than investment in the offspring.

=== Personality ===

Research on [[blind dating]] and semi-blind dating suggest during initial pair-bonding personality traits do not play any role,<ref>https://incels.wiki/w/Scientific_Blackpill#Looks_are_most_important_to_women_in_speed_dating</ref><ref>https://incels.wiki/w/Scientific_Blackpill#Looks_are_most_important_to_women_in_video_dating</ref><ref name="walster">https://incels.wiki/w/Scientific_Blackpill#Looks_are_most_important_to_women_in_blind_dating</ref> so what is called "romance" probably mostly boils down to the female [[Sex drive#Female_passivity|passively accumulating information]] in terms of [[LMS|looks, money and status]] about the suitor, and any additional courtship efforts are mere costly signals of investment and [[virtue signaling]]/[[political correctness]] as mentioned above or means of intimidating other suitors, i.e. gaining status.

=== Direct courtship vs arranged mating ===

Cross cultural evidence suggests that arranged mating was the most prevalent form of human mating practices rather than direct face-to-face courtship. This may suggest that the heavy modern emphasis on courtship, mutual romantic investment, finding one's soulmate etc., are unnatural and [[mismatchcel|evolutionary mismatches]], as mating typically occurred in a social and economic context.

==History==

===Written Origin===

===Written Conceptualization===

===Modern synthesis===

== Relation to shit tests ==

==Fear of death sparks romance==

Early romance is often spurred by a fear of death, and once in a [[relationship]], that fear often diminishes.

<blockquote>"Originally, terror management theory proposed two psychological mechanisms in dealing with the terror of death awareness-cultural worldview validation and self-esteem enhancement. In this article, we would like to promote the idea of close [[relationship]]s as an additional death-anxiety buffering mechanism and review a growing body of empirical data that support this contention. Based on a comprehensive analysis of the sociocultural and personal functions of close [[relationship]]s, we formulate two basic hypotheses that have received empirical support in a series of experimental studies. '''First, death reminders heighten the motivation to form and maintain close [[relationship]]s. Second, the maintenance of close [[relationship]]s provides a symbolic shield against the terror of death, whereas the breaking of close [[relationship]]s results in an upsurge of death awareness.''' In addition, we present empirical evidence supporting the possibility that close [[relationship]]s function as a related yet separate mechanism from the self-esteem and cultural worldview defenses."<ref>Mikulincer, M., Florian, V., & Hirschberger, G. (2003). The existential function of close relationships: Introducing death into the science of love. Personality and social psychology review, 7(1), 20-40.</ref></blockquote>

==Relationships without romance==

<blockquote>"My husband and I have never done romance. I don't have candle light dinners or celebrate valentine's day or whatever else romantic people do. It's just not me. We do have sex though, but I wouldn't call that romantic either."[https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070721010703AASyUmj]</blockquote>

Corroborating on the point that aromantic relationships are entirely feasible, there is evidence that couples in [[arranged marriage]]s are not unhappier despite often not loving each other in the beginning, but then get used to each other and bond (presumably via endorphins released during [[sex]]). Such couples typically also last longer than "love marriages" (see [[arranged marriage]]).

==References==

<references />

==See also==

* [[Courtship]]

* [[Dating]]

* [[History of female sex-favoritism]]

{{Behavioralism}}

{{Lookism}}