Absolute Beginners: Difference between revisions

'''Absolute Beginners''' ([[aybee]]s) are a [[whitepilled]] and [[purplepilled]] community in the [[German incelosphere]] that started in 1998. The German AB community may be the most under-recognized part of the entire incelosphere. It has several independent sub-communities such as [[Abtreff]], [[AB4]] and [[unerfahren]]. Former communities include the forums [[Parsimonyforum 3708]] (the oldest forum) and [[AB-Plauderstübchen]], and the websites [[ohne-erfahrung.de]], [[Lonesome.at]] and [[beziehungsunerfahren.de]].

 

They sometimes call themselves ABs. There have been multiple German forums for 'AB's over the years, including very large real life meetups, often approaching 100 people. They have also been associated with more books and academic literature on [[inceldom]] than any forum community. Two documentaries have been done of AB's; they include ''[[Love Alien]]'', made in 2012 by director Wolfram Huke and "Jungfrau sucht die grosse Liebe" (virgins looking for love).

The [[etymology]] of the term derives from a David Bowie song.<ref>http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/gesellschaft/leben-ohne-sex-selbsthilfe-fuer-erwachsene-jungfrauen-a-571107.html</ref> Absolute Beginners sometimes abbreviate their self-identification as AB.<ref>http://www.faz.net/aktuell/gesellschaft/menschen/beziehungen-zuletzt-gekuesst-im-kindergarten-1410279-p2.html</ref> [[Rheinische Post]] defines AB's as those above the age of 20 with no romantic experience whatsoever.<ref>http://www.rp-online.de/panorama/deutschland/absolute-beginner-wie-es-ist-mit-33-seine-erste-freundin-zu-haben-aid-1.6356832 |title=Spätzünder: Wie ist es, mit 33 Jahren seine erste Freundin zu haben?</ref> Sexologist Monika Büchner defines the Absolute Beginner as one who has never had sex by their 25th birthday.<ref>https://www.welt.de/vermischtes/article146108500/Mit-25-noch-nie-Sex-gehabt-Und-nun.html</ref> The concept of [[AB]] is analogous to the English term ''[[love-shyness]]''.<ref>http://www.nordbayern.de/panorama/40-und-ungekusst-in-der-einsamkeitsfalle-1.4847923</ref>

 

The reasoning behind their [[sexlessness]] varies from psychological issues, an unsocial life, shyness, being socially inept, or a lack of initiative in making the first move.<ref>http://www.fr.de/wissen/gesundheit/medizin/leben-ohne-sex-als-erwachsener-sexuell-unerfahren-a-795129</ref> Absolute Beginners gradually developed into communities that culminated into self-help groups of the same name.<ref>http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/gesellschaft/leben-ohne-sex-selbsthilfe-fuer-erwachsene-jungfrauen-a-571107.html</ref> AB's sometimes communicate with one another on online forums. They vary in age, including vicenarians, tricenarians and quadragenarians.<ref>http://www.faz.net/aktuell/gesellschaft/menschen/beziehungen-zuletzt-gekuesst-im-kindergarten-1410279-p2.html</ref> In some online forums, the hallmark of being an Absolute Beginner is beyond the age of twenty if one still has had no sexual or romantic experience.<ref>Maja Roedenbeck: And who kisses me? Absolute Beginners – When love is waiting for you, Berlin 2012, p. 54</ref> In online forums, AB's sometimes discuss tribulations associated with their status such as pressures to date and the embaressments and secrecy associated with their inexperience.<ref>Maja Roedenbeck: And who kisses me? Absolute Beginners – When love is waiting for you, Berlin 2012, pp. 29–30, p. 86, p. 108</ref> This is sometimes derived due to social pressure in Germany to have a romantic partner.<ref>https://www.maxima.at/2016/12/09/absolute-beginner-kein-sex-als-erwachsener/</ref> Awareness of the AB community in Germany has increased.<ref>Sprenger: Male Absolute Beginner. A communication-scientific approach to the explanation of partnerlessness, Wiesbaden, Germany</ref> Some German AB's have attempted to document their lifestyle in order to explore the reasoning behind their ineffectiveness at [[courtship]].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20131215173046/http://www.br.de/fernsehen/bayerisches-fernsehen/inhalt/film-und-serie/love-alien-30-maennlich-ungekuesst-dokumentarfilm-100.html</ref> There are also AB-specific coaches who specialize in giving therapy to AB's.<ref>https://www.badische-zeitung.de/liebe-familie/was-kann-man-tun-wenn-man-als-erwachsener-noch-nie-eine-beziehung-hatte--135505195.html</ref> Some of the causes of AB include having a busy career, and its time-consuming nature leaving few options for romantic pursuits,<ref>https://www.sueddeutsche.de/leben/jungfrau-mit-ende-wenn-der-sex-auf-sich-warten-laesst-1.3606372</ref> a perception of themselves as unattractive and the subsequent low-self esteem,<ref>Olaf Wickenhöfer: Unfreiwillig Single, Eine Studie zur Sozialisationsgeschichte und kulturellen Alltagspraxis, Tectum Verlag, Marburg 2004, page 42</ref> [[prudish]] [[parent]]s<ref>http://www.nordbayern.de/panorama/40-und-ungekusst-in-der-einsamkeitsfalle-1.4847923</ref> seclusion due to some [[illness]]<ref>http://www.rundschau-online.de/ratgeber/gesundheit/-leben-ohne-sex-als-erwachsener-noch-jungfrau-5592872 </ref> fear of beratement of their fetish,<ref>https://webmoritz.de/2014/03/22/sexwuensche-schweigen-ist-gold/ </ref> erotophobic family members who demonize the [[libido]],<ref>https://www.welt.de/print/welt_kompakt/vermischtes/article146134017/Man-muss-Sexualorgane-trainieren.html </ref> disagreements on who should make the first move,<ref>http://www.t-online.de/leben/liebe/id_66124640/flirt-blockade-wenn-keiner-den-ersten-schritt-macht.html </ref> or a traumatic experience during their introductory stage of sexploration.<ref>http://www.bild.de/ratgeber/2016/tipps/wie-geht-man-mit-einer-maennlichenjungfrau-um-45387214.bild.html</ref> [[Heterosexual]] ''Absolute Beginners'' have described themselves as feeling invisible to the opposite sex.<ref>http://www.zeit.de/campus/2016-04/das-erste-mal-sex-beziehung-single</ref> Factors contributing to German women being Absolute Beginners include attending a single-sex educational institution that discouraged freemixing between the genders, enochlophobia, misinterpreting flirtation as mere friendliness, a fear of being friendzoned,<ref>http://www.bild.de/ratgeber/2013/psychologie/so-geht-sex-der-grosse-ratgeber-fuer-jungfrauen-30677616.bild.html</ref> and an exigent personality.<ref>http://www.t-online.de/leben/liebe/id_65059662/singles-darum-gibt-es-so-viele.html</ref>

 

The degree of the phenomenon varies as some AB's never had any form of physical intimacy, including kissing or holding hands. Sexologist Jakob Pastötter recommends therapy to remove inhibition and anxiety. In the [[Netherlands]] the organization Aquarion helps AB's by giving lessons on [[dating]] and [[relationship]]s, as well as offering reservations wherein AB's can book sex sessions with one another.<ref>http://www.nordbayern.de/panorama/40-und-ungekusst-in-der-einsamkeitsfalle-1.4847923</ref> Author Arne Hoffman recommends any physical activity such as dancing or sports as a method to increase an AB's [[confidence]] levels.<ref>https://www.abendblatt.de/ratgeber/article109915745/Ein-Leben-ohne-Sex-Als-Erwachsener-noch-Jungfrau-sein.html </ref> Members of some online German forums have set up self-help groups, fellowships and therapeutic programs on the topic.<ref>http://www.t-online.de/leben/liebe/id_17362324/absolute-beginners-mit-40-noch-jungfrau.html</ref> Some analysts have suggested using the internet to facilitate opportunities for mingling with others.<ref>http://www.focus.de/digital/internet/internetforen-jungfrau-40-findet-im-internet_aid_327631.html </ref> However, others suggest that the increasing individualization of society suggests singlehood is normal.<ref>http://www.t-online.de/leben/liebe/id_55738496/so-vermeiden-singles-ueber-30-die-torschlusspanik.html</ref>