Love shy: Difference between revisions

*He has no history of any emotionally close, meaningful relationships of a romantic and/or sexual nature with any member of the opposite sex.

In his recruited samples, Gilmartin had found 86% of the non-shy younger men had a sister around while growing up, as opposed to 41% of the love-shy younger men, with 29% of the love-shy older men never having had a sister. In the same groups, over 50% of the non-shy young group had grown up with at least two sisters, compared to only 6% of the younger and 3% of the older love-shy men. Gilmartin also noted that none of the love-shy older men and very few of the  love-shy younger men had any adults to rely on for emotional support growing up. Also it is noted that many of the love-shy men had a small network of cousins, 90% of them with 1 or less, 10% had 2-3; none had more than 3.<ref name="Brian G. Gilmartin 1987"/> Some of the men expressed that their siblings achieved intimacy with relationships and were preferred by their parents much more than themselves.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

With so many negative stimuli from crucial relationships in one's childhood, the love-shy boy becomes a [[social isolation|social isolate]].  He learns to associate these crucial interactions (i.e. with parents, peer group) with hurt feelings and is likely to avoid social interaction.  Social isolation and social anxiety becomes a '[[Virtuous circle and vicious circle|vicious circle]]' for the love-shy individual as the years go by, and inhibits his chances in interaction with the opposite sex, as well as in other crucial areas of life such as his career.

Gilmartin argued that love-shyness would have the most severe effect on heterosexual males, because of gender roles. This is because heterosexual men are almost always expected to take the more assertive role in [[dating]] situations and to be the ones to initiate intimacy with potential romantic partners, whereas heterosexual women generally take the more passive role, as assertiveness on their part is far less crucial in successfully developing a romantic [[relationship]]. He claims that it may be possible for both shy women and homosexual men to become involved in intimate relationships without needing to take any initiative, simply by waiting for a more assertive man to initiate the [[relationship]], or in the case of lesbians, a more assertive woman. According to Gilmartin, shy women are as likely or even more likely due to their love-shyness as non-shy women to date, to marry, and to have children, while this is definitely not the case for heterosexual men. Love-shy heterosexual men normally have no informal social contact with women.  They cannot date, [[marriage|marry]] or have children, and many of these men never experience any form of intimate sexual contact. He also noted that for moral reasons, none of the love-shy men sought [[prostitute]]s. Some of the love-shys were partaking in [[mail-order bride]] agencies, but the results of these efforts were not pursued in the study.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>

Love-shyness has not, to date, been recognized as a distinct [[mental disorder]] by the [[World Health Organization]] or [[American Psychiatric Association]]. But the argument is being made in the community of mainstream clinical psychology that intimacy issues are so unique and so core to one's humanity that love-shyness does constitute a legitimate area of clinical attention, as well as meriting further research.<ref name="Brian G 1989"/>  Some of the psychological and social problems of the love-shy men could be considered [[autism|autistic]] because of the men's trouble in regards to peers, social interactions, and adjustment to change. Years later when asked in an email, Gilmartin felt that 40% of severely love-shy men would have [[Asperger syndrome]] or [[ADHD]]. Many psychologists believe that social phobia or a more general pattern of avoidant [[personality]] disorder or social anxiety disorder could also be indicated, although many also concede that these issues may coalesce specifically into a phobia of intimate relationships, thereby forming a unique or semi-unique phobia with its own parameters and idiosyncrasies. Some described Love-shyness sufferers may also be blocked from intimate relationships due to [[body dysmorphic disorder]] (a phobia that causes one to fear that one is physically unattractive).<ref name="Phillips, K. A. 1996 p141"/>